Childhood...never seem to be a topic that cud be forgotten.Cherished them then and cherish them now...only difference ..i cherish them now in my memories.Where to start from... from being a kid who used to play pranks on girls in LKG (like lift their skirts and sometimes unzip their frocks) to flicking sausages and eat them raw from the fridge, were my main activities.Waste time in the bath tub so i dont do my homework ,to, spanking from my dad for not able to write the letter "K" properly...those were the best days of my life...hey i dint steal this line.

                                Anyways i had many experiences where i laughed as well as cried...but i have a hearty laugh about them now.I was in upper kg and it was the winter season in dubai...and people, winters were really cold then.Yeah, and the most exciting part was to wear gloves and jackets and mufflers and hats....i used to transform into a total polar bear..but with a blue uniform.But there was something very unique about this day....it was very stormy ..but my parents no matter what...whatever the situation...the boys attendence should not be harmed... "Pavan, your going to school"... i don remember my reaction to it..but i was all ready n waiting at my balcony...my dad was standin next to me ...waiting to escort me to the bus safely.When we were waiting at the balcony... a huge tree next to my building fell down ...smashing its branches and leaves with immense velocity ...but still my mom was like .... no reaction... i was still going to school.But that day there was one more reason i dint want to go to school..my cousins from bombay were coming down...my fav cousins....how could i be in school when they are at home...NNNOOOOOO!!! anyways ... my bus had come..... my dad took my hand...my mom made me wear my bag and i went down the stairs grumbling and groaning with a long face.... and i guess it wasnt my day...i fell off the stairs .... and all i could hear was...the noise while i was tumbling down the stairs and my mom and dad screaming.... but inspite of dat...my mom was still sendin me school... DAYMNN!!!! I was alright though... i was strong enough to take things like that.Anyways my dad and me walked off the building giving a stare to my mom who was smiling and standing at the balcony...but i had to still groan though.. while reachin towards the bus my bus driver happen to make gestures which logically seemed like he was sayin to go back and not enter the bus...but me and my dad still made it to the entrance of the bus and wanted to confirm his gestures.And this was the 'moment' of the day...the driver informed us that there was no school today and was taking rounds to inform students on different stops.So i ran back home threw my bag ,my clothes and picked a chicken frank and sat down on my sofa waiting for my cousins to come.muahahahaha

She danced on the white sands of Zirwich,
her legs moved very swiftly,
even the rattle snakes coud'nt match her grace.

 

Under the moonlight,
she continued her mystical and mysterious moves,
but no one could find out her intentions.

 

I lay there to figure out what she was doing,
it was not the dance of the Mirqis nor the Riyafus,
they were some swirling moves i have never witnessed.

 

Then came her viscious moves,
where capturing the moment was a fulfilment of a dream,
it seemed like no one was ever going to see this for the next thousand ofyears to come.

 

The sand moved along with her unwillingly,
and danced to her tunes,
and she turned the whole desert into a warping ocean.

 

She screeched into the thin cold air,
like she were calling someone,
was it a howl of revenge or was it a desperate plead?

 

Her eye shone majestically in the dark,
just like the owl in the night,
indeed her eyes looked sharp and nocturnal.

 

I sensed her consuming energy from the surroundings,
and then light began to rip out through her pale skin,
it looked like she was going to explode.

 

The intensity increased ,
the whole ritual seemed like it was never going to end,
and the ball of energy that she managed to form around her continued to increase in size,
i just lay there mesmerized,
with no assurity,
whether i am gonna live or...
die ...if...she explodes.

I watch the place around me,
i can just move my eyes,
and its just fog i can see,
but there it hides,
the unforgotten lies.

 

The lie was the one whom i had loved,
she dances shamelessly to insult me,
and there i knelt so lost and defeated with my head bowed,
she kisses and scratches,
and her terrible passion seemed infinity.

 

Feeling so tired and paralytic,
had a tremendous urge to fight back,
but helplessness had become chronic,
i looked into her eyes.....she wanted me to live in agony,
and there she threw at me a rotten zwieback.

 

I wandered in my thoughts and strained my mind,
my hatred for her overshadowed the love for her on every breath i took in abhore,
pain and suffering were the only emotions i could find,
her inimicality towards me were so strong,
that i couldnt think of life and life could'nt think of me anymore.

 

I continued to submerge in darkness,
where torture had become my fate,
and the blood i shed every night for her had become luscious,
i beg her to kill me for once and for all,
but she still plans to keep me alive,
till she does not find her new bait.

Seeping through the pores of time,
where there was darkness that all i could see,
did'nt know where i was going,
i did'nt know through which space i was moving,
but then darkness became the regular scene of my eye,
and well adapted to black was I.

 

Continued to drown in the illusions,
visuals injected with shadows of my mysterious past,
a past i couldnt recollect myself,
a past which was very obscure...

 

Time passed,
so contained to myself,
almost believed no one ever existed..
to evolve into memories in my mind....
i was secluded .....so far away.....
and the dreams i dreamt...very horrid.....pure macabre.

GO AWAY!! GO!!!!
is all i screamed..
was all i ever said....
everything around me so dusky and murky,
voice of the black hounds tearing through my ears,
...........couldnt figure out what was happening...
i dug my hands in the soil in anger...
i hit something hard beneath,
its been long since i had an urge to explore,
i dug viciously...and saw a mirror,
i saw myself in the mirror.....
i wasnt the same as i used to be,
i looked more ..more monstrous and ugly.

 

If you ever asked me to prove my love for you,

i would always be ready for the test,

if u ever asked me to prove it by giving my life away for you,

i wont do it....cos i wanna spend the rest of my life with you,

i want you to share your thoughts,

your happiness,

your troubles......with me.

I wanna caress and love you...

If i just sat in front of you and stared at you the whole day,

and sometime in between you ask me to stop looking at you,

i wont do it....cos i feel life when i look at you,

i smell the fragrance while you are around....the fragrance of your charm,

which casts a spell on my senses.

Though my life would be a path of wrong things and decisions,

but when it comes to you....i want you to be the right thing in my life,

just you...you...you.

 

 

 

 

Are you an addiction?
I dont mind this addiction...cos its sweet,
I feel you running in my head...my heart....i feel you running in my veins.
I cant let my sight off you....
but answer my question....are you an addiction?

 

I see positiveness when i feel you...
i get to see the brighter side of life when i feel you..
i think of all the possible good things when i feel you...
if theres so much of serenity...then how can you be an addiction?

 

Maybe im addicted to your love....the love you shed,
the love we make on our cosy bed,
the cosiness we feel inside the blanket while the sun shines on us,
......the love we make on a beautiful afternoon.

 

If i had the power...i wish i could just hold the moment wen we look into each others eyes,
but i do have the power..the power of our love,
Imagine us on the shore of the beach at night or puffed on the clouds so high ...even the angels become the witness of our love,

 

But watever it is...... ur a beautiful addiction....n if thats the case let me be addicted for life.

How does it feel to see someone you love die in front of you,
The one who stood besides you ,whether der was light or darkness in ur life,
Staring right into ur eyes.....saying 'Forever i will be with you'
Her ending moments were jus like reflections in my eyes,
She kept smiling even when she was floating in her own blood,
But it seems it was me who was helping her live for sum more tym b4 she was gone forever,
I promised her i wudnt cry and she gave me a promise she will never die in my memories,
Now i cud feel her drain out....she was getting pale......she was feeling cold because of the snow.....but i held her close to keep her warm,
But let me cry ...let me break da promise i gave you....let me cry as much as i can...,
i noe i must be a fool saying this to you right now ,when i had a chance to say dis to you b4..."I have always loved you and i will always do",
But She just kept smiling with tears rolling down her pale cheeks ..and she too confessed " Even i have always loved this fool",
We laughed heartily...but at da sme tym we cried.....it was a mix of emotions.
I felt she was fading away...but she was so strong she wasnt giving it away so easily..she wants to make da most of it...she wants to be with me in that lasting moment of hers,
She suddenly stops looking at me...and luks in da sky and points out at a blue glowing star...and then she never looked at me again......

 

 

Its been 60 yrs now....Every year I visit the place where she perished...It was the 14th of July.It is my birth date...and also our anniversary...Our 60th year...everything still seems like yesterday,so fresh in my old mind.Every single moment ...every bit of it ...seems so yesterday..A feeling which cannot be explained in words.Its been 60 yrs now and everytym on dis day i have wished to die on da same day
and same place....i wish i too cud have perished with her dat same very day....(Suddenly the whole place goes dark ..the place looks the same how it was 60 yrs ago)....I look up in da sky i see a ....blue glowing star..just dont waste tymm...take me a..w..aa..yyyy........

Its been more than a month..i havent really felt like writing anything actually..was previously very busy doing some artwork on da pc.but i had all of dis stored in ma mind.I would really like to share what i have experienced lately.Its gonna be fun sharing it with you guys.Just read da comments today...lol....on my blogs (given on Aug ..read on sept...quite a long tym).Neways its pretty cool getting back to throw my feelings on da keyboard.Right now im kinda exhausted..had a pretty hard tym travelling on da train..really frustrating transportation.Guys chill...chill..im not here to take my frustration out...just here to share the good times wid u guys.

               I am gonna talk about my 1st tym travel on da train.When you read this i hope u get to learn sumthin frm dis experience.Firstly before i start..my main objective is to make u guys feel like your in my place,dats y i bring out lot of casualness in my lingo n stuff :).Ya so it was da first tym i was gonna travel alone on train.Things to specify on : First tym travellin on train n dat too alone, was carryin heavy cash n cheque (college purpose) and dad told me dont trust strangers (i knew dat but its just a fathers care for his son).Ok so people who know bombay will understand dis better.I had to go to Mahalaxmi (its a place) but i asked fer a ticket to a station before Mahalaxmi.But not knowing dis i go to da platform and still confirm if it was the right ticket with sumone....he says no and i go back again to da counter n take another ticket to da right place dis tym.I go to da same platform very confidently dis tym...but...i confirm again..and i was satisfied dis tym.I get on da train and der was a route map on da ceiling wich indicated my destination was 15 stations away and wud definitely take an hour...AWESUM isnt it.DAYMN its awesum :(.Neways wid all da green tangible items (a load of risks) in my bag ,i held it as tight as possible and also made sure dat ppl don doubt me dat ders anythin valuable in it.Stations kept passing by, time kept flying ,...my grip on da bag got more casual...sweat jus pourin down from my forhead ..hands jus tiringly very slowly getting into my right pocket..pulling out a brown hanky...in short i was tired while wiping my face n stuff...shessshhh i had to pull dat long.I reached ma destination..feelin kinda victorious..hehe.Then i got my work done quickly in an hour and went back to the station ... but this tym i had too see things which were difficult to digest mentally.I always read about poverty n stuff in civics and economics..but this tym i got to see it.I realised visualisations of such things are more horrible dan jus readin or hearing abt it.I saw a boy of around 14 probably, roaming on da street on a board with wheels  ...yes he wasnt gifted with legs.Small girls singing songs from old movies which depicted pain and agony..jus wishin if anybody cud jus give dem a one rupee coin.Jus hold on guys lemme turn on da music ....yes 'I wish you were here by incubus' - dis is da track ;).Yup,im back.Then i sat in da train lookin outside da window jus wondering abt it.But i guess i dint have to wonder abt it anymore...der was a live example in front of me.An old man lying and resting his old tired thin body on da seat.Very much involved in his afternoon nap..i guess it was arnd 1.37pm..i recollect lukin at my watch.Shabby,dirty clothes...da shirt seemed too big fer him...but i dont think he wud have minded dat as long he was getting sumthin to wear...his pants too were very small - i cud see his ankle and his dirty feet with long nails.Facial wise he had thick white beard and wrinkled features on his face.He wore a ring wich luked more aluminium to me but did have a symbol of his faith on it.And out of his shirt pocket der was a piece of paper popping out which had a chappathi in it...who knows he was savin it from many days or wat..no idea.

                                Guys after lookin at such things many thoughts jus scramble in ma mind.Even if ur life is fucked ,be satisfied dat ur not handicapped physically or mentally or you don have to go begging everywhere widout food fer days or sumthing like dat.Im not saying be happy wen u have shit problems in life or anything but when u curse dem jus try to admire da life ur gettin atleast sumtyms or atleast once in a blue moon but mean it when u say it.Im not in da godly thing n all but its da ring of da old man wich is makin me realise dat faith cannot be measured material wise ....its da faith in ur heart and soul..let it be ur parents or anything supernatural.Just have faith and believe life is good....sorrows will come in and later on when u think about dem u are gonna have a smile on ur face.And sumthin related to da train ,a small thing though ...jus try things by urself uderwise u will never come to noe how things work...trust me.

Man everyone on dis earth are gettin bored.Like usually i chat to my friends on MSN Messenger,i', like 'Wassup'...n deir reply is like "nuthin much man..im gettin sooo bored " , and den its like blank...conversation hardly lasts for 3 or 4 lines..n den i don feel like talking myself to dem.Frankly speakin even i get bored but i don jus go arnd sayin 'i'm bored' to everyone.Im lissenin to music right now...dats somethin wich needs to be der when im doin sumthing...infact everything.Aaaaahhh....ooooohhhh....its jus dat im feelin cold rght now...im sittin right under my fan...and lol its still cold fer me....actually its not dat 'COLD' cold...its dat when u really feelin da temperature around ya and u get dat lil bit of heat n chills touchin da surface of ur skin inside and u get dat chillin feeling bringing out all da goosebumps...its dat actually.Neways its 2.26am Mumbai time...and i am literally entertainin myself..HOW?..gud question...some rock music is being played on a bit higher volume n im pretending to be like one of dose rockstars by holdin my nephew's cricket bat and using it as a stage mic and doing sum art work on my pc.I still have people on my list blinking like 'Twinkle Twinkle stupid stars'...still havin da same conversation over n over n over n over n over again....i almost tripped with da number of tyms i have witten dat.I donno wat else to write...my scalp's itching and im scratcjin my head ..thinkin wat to write ,wen i am actually writing.LOL.A good way to increase the lenght of ur blog.Im done wid rock starring,drawing,and i have written enuff rite now.The status of my desktop rite now is - 'MSN Spaces maximized'....'WinAmp minimized'....'Msn Messenger minimised'....and 'a chat window is minimized'.Now my mouse is going towards da close button on da window of 'Msn spaces'.....clicked on close.

Its like i wake in the morning ,look at her and say i love you...Cos shes my only friend when i am shit bored out of life.I just look at the most beautiful part of her..The Power Switch...oh baby she likes it when i push that thing ,it just turns her on (both ways basically..LOL).And she loads quickly cos she knows i need her bad.But the annoying thing is ...she asks me the password to log in, i just dont like it....aaaahh maybe she does not want someone else to use her....sorry babes i doubted ya...you're so loyal.And she even sings for me when im logged in...isnt it cool!!! I noe it is.I know every part of her so very well...she trusts me so much she just allows me to check on her whenever i want.The best part of her is i can rely on her.I let her have my documents,my music,and other important stuff...its like i just have to tell her i want it and she has it with her , gives my stuff to me instantly...bad thing though she does not allow me to keep cash..i wonder why !!! See even right now shes playing 'Bitter Sweet Symphony' by 'Verve'...what a track.Thats why i like her she does what i like....guys being honest let it be even porno ,she allows me to watch...shes cool about things ..dats why i like her a lot.Sorry i dint mention her name to you guys...her name is 'Celeron'...i dont know what it means but it is a sweet name...jus like her.She once told me is there any chance i can see you...i told her you can dear..same day i got her an eye (webcam).Now she can see me ,and whats the kindest thing she does ,she allows my friends to see me through her eyes....wonderful, isnt she? And you know what i have to catch her hands (the mouse) when im with her..otherwise she wont talk to me.A little bit of possesiveness there..but i dont mind that.I just sit and look at her face the whole day...and just adore and admire her for the things she does ..wish i could get some better words.She scares me at times ..all of a sudden she just faints...but eventually she gets all right...could be i am pressurizing her or something...i am trying to give her enough rest though.I hope you are reading this Celeron..just want to tell you 'I love you'.And i will let you sleep for now...i will go and meet Sony in the meantime.

Oh man i am never sick of sharing this stuff with anybody over and over again.Trip to Bandra...wooh man what a trip.Why is it going to be memorable -

1st - Went to Bandra from Mulund on a BIKE (takes around 45 to 60 mins)

2nd - It was raining SHITT heavily

3rd - My friend and me were speedin to glory!!

4rth - I just wore a rain jacket for that heavy rain.- I noe its a disaster ,until i found out its the best thing to do - GET WET HEAVILY !!!!!!

5th - Please wear goggles or sumthin ,the rain hits u hard on the eye infact your whole face ,when your speeding on the bike.

Ok so , we got out of home around 8.30 in the morning..actually we went for some work purpose, we had to reach there by 9 ,and as i said it takes 45 - 60 mins.So what do you think we did...yeah we were speeding on the slippery roads of Mumbai on that rainy day.We reached there by 9am, exactly on time. We reach Bandra ,we were done with our job and thats the time i actually got to see the whole space properly...Bandra it was....gloomy sky with the black clouds just crying out heavily..i just continued to look into the sky till my neck ached.Cars, bikes, rickshaws (worse drivers on earth), buses ...all of dem playin in the rain..jus splashin water everywhere they can.In the meantime my pants were heavy and there was water in my shoes...it was terrible man.Got to see some chicks getting wet in the rain too......aahhhhhh...dat moment made evrything feel lighter - my wet heavy pants,my wet shoes, evrything .Sheeeesshh...whats dis...aah my tummy's making noises ...yeah i was feeling hungry.My friend suggested why not have some 'acha khana aur sasta bhi'.We went to have our lunch in Herche's Bakery (no different from Hot Breads)...reminded me exactly of Hot Breads, KV guys you noe what i am talking about...cheap and good food.Now i was feeling terribly cold,  needed something hot to be poured inside me...the whole idea of having Coffee was my soul saviour ...went to this amazing place called Mocha's.Short description about Mocha's is - no investment...the owner is just making pure heavy hefty humungus profits.You shud see the place (who have - will understand).Then it was time to make the toughest decisions - Choosing from the menu - gosh i am so bad at this.I went for the simplest - Hot chocolate with whipped cream,...the best part was when i was having the coffee, there was this whipped cream on top of the coffee which was supposed to be mixed with the coffee...but i am Pavan afterall....yeah u guessed right ...i ate the cream and the hot chocolate was kinda strong...sheeessh.Then just sat on one of da cosiest couches der and was almost asleep..but had to leave.Then just roamed on da bike for sometime and when back home speeding again....Damn im yawnin...lemme check my watch..gosh im not wearin one...wait....its 3.20 am.....gnite folks ..hope i made you feel like you were in Bandra urself.This was my Trip to Bandra.Aamchi mumbai.

I was just sitting on the pc..jus complete idle,

was bored of Yahoo! games ,and nobody on my messenger to chat with,

but when i did start writing dis...everybody just popped up...

sayin - 'haan saaley' or 'ssup?' or wazaaa bro' n stuff like dat,

i was like nuthin much n stuff, i wanted to take out some time to write this

down.

Guys its not a poem, not a journal entry or something, its just a feeling,

but then i was like lets write down ... about something general...

how i was feeling, how i am feeling right now... just anythin.... literally.

Its 1.30 in the afternoon right now..the weather is awesome..the sky is part

blue and grey...you can say Bluish grey precisely, and the best part it is

raining.I just look outside the window ,not looking at the sky neither

the clear crystal like drops of rain...BUT....trying to gaze into some

window to see if any chick is stripping down her clothes or something.

LOL.I am not lucky at this.....I wish i could see something.Ya so, i

chose to look at the beautiful sky,the rain,the trees swirl together like they

perform the dance of nature.No sign of the sun...i really did not want that..

common guys i am not being negative or something...enough of the Middle East

heat already, i did not want more of those.Neways whenever i chat to my friends

...u know you get those sudden flashbacks (all good ones)..sometimes you have people on your messenger list whom you dont want to think of ,but still you have them there for some reason...

but one thing is ,certain people you love ,people you hate or let it be the people you are bearing just for the sake of it...they have already taken places in your life...one cant do anything about it.Not even God, being so powerful and divine...he just cant....and obviously like i told ..not even you nor me.Now you have to excuse me ..my lunch is ready..hungry to death..when i type something else i will let you know.